Posted at M4LUK:

"I took the tablets on my own in my house. I sat on the toilet and could feel something come out. I expected a little bit of tissue or even less and I was curious so I looked but I couldn’t believe what I saw. At 8 weeks and 3 days it was a formed tiny baby, 1 inch big with a head, 2 big dots like eyes, tiny arms with hands and legs with feet. The very heavy bleeding then started and I couldn’t stop it for more than 3 weeks.
My name is Anna and this is my story: I found out I was pregnant in September 2020. I registered the pregnancy with my GP and had a phone appointment with my midwife. I wanted to keep the baby at first. The baby’s father was living abroad at that time and distanced himself, only replying to my messages occasionally. I asked him if he would register the baby as his but he said no. I asked for a few days hoping he would change his mind. Eventually I realised I wouldn’t get any help from him. I started desperately looking for someone else to help me. I phoned my mum who also lives abroad to ask if she would help me if I was pregnant (I didn’t tell her I ‘was’ pregnant but presented the situation hypothetically to her). My mum said she wouldn’t be able to help because of the distance and that she didn’t think I would manage on my own with a little child, so I heard ‘no’ for the second time. It wasn’t what I expected. All I needed at that time was someone to tell me I could manage and I would be ok. I sat and cried, thinking about what to do next.

The pregnancy, or rather the two lines on the pregnancy test, didn’t feel too much like a baby yet, more like a problem, because I was left to deal with it all on my own. Alone in the UK (which wasn’t my birth country) I started panicking how I would manage on my own with a little baby and whether I could bring him/her up on my own over the next 20 years. I was thinking if I could cope physically, emotionally and financially. The hormones played some part as well I think. Deep inside I still wanted to keep the baby but I was too scared.